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Category Archives: Pittsburgh

Coeymans Only Gets Sicker; Criminal Perps Being Investigated

Editor’s Note: Just an update: We’re on the trail and investigating this obscene incident, and are tracking the Coeymans Police Department’s handling of it. The Coeymans Police Department has proved itself incompetent and inept in a number of past cases, and has a reputation for being a troupe of clowns that have succeeded only in shaming Coeymans. Here’s a little challenge for them: Let’s see who solves this case sooner. Will it be Smalbany (very likely) or the Coeymans Police Department (very unlikely), who brings the criminals to justice? (Hint: Smalbany is already making progress in the case. Where’s First Sergeant Contento on this?)

Coeymans Police Investigator, Investigating.


It Appears that Some Coeymans Residents are Mailing Family Members to Other Coeymans Residents.

A Coeymans Resident is making a pubic statement about his family tree and is having a Pennsylvania-based company send examples of his family tree to other Coeymans residents. The problem is: All turds look alike and we can’t tell whether the turds in the mail are the sender’s mother, father, sister, brother, or a more distant cousin.

A Local Coeymans Resident Giving Birth.

Yes, dear readers, some mother in the Town of Coeymans has experienced the joy of motherhood and has asked us to post a picture of the bundle of joy that she’s sharing with some Coeymans residents.

WE DEMAND THAT SUPERVISOR-ELECT GEORGE McHUGH, COUNCILMEN-ELECT COLLINS AND LEFEVRE, AND LEGISLATOR-ELECT GEORGE LANGDON MAKE PUBLIC STATEMENTS DENOUNCING THE CRIMINALS INVOLVED IN SENDING OFFENSIVE PACKAGES! TO DO ANYTHING LESS THAN MAKE A PUBLIC DENOUNCEMENT AND APOLOGY WILL BE TANTAMOUNT TO ADMITTING INVOLVEMENT AND SUPPORT FOR SUCH MORONIC & CRIMINAL CONDUCT.

Because we think that George McHugh and his “Comeback Team,” and the Friends of Coeymans (Laquire, Boomer, Hagen) know very well who’s behind this malicious mischief.

We call upon Albany County District Attorney P. David Soares and Allegheny Co. (PA) DA Stephen A. Zappala, Jr. to launch an immediate investigation into this incredible example of obscene harassment of at least 5 local Coeymans residents!!!

We call upon New York State Attorney GeneralĀ  Letitia James to join with Pennsylvania State Attorney General Josh Shapiro to investigate the illicit and criminal business activities of the perp company selling the crap!

We call upon the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the FBI, to investigate the perpetration of this interstate commercial crime.

The USPS Office of the Inspector General, Postal Inspectors, has been notified and Smalbany is awaiting contact with a local investigator. [Editor’s Note: There is already a file opened on this case with the USPS Postal Inspector, Boston Division (responsible for this area). If you have received a package or have information to share, you can call 1.207.871.8587, and speak to agent “Emily.”]

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What the happy and very relieved mother does not know is that Smalbany is now investigating her. You see, she’s been sharing little bits of herself, her own little product, via the United States Postal Service and First Class Mail. What she may not realize is she is committing a number of crimes and Smalbany will find her and her little bundle of joy and SHAME THEM.

Furthermore, Smalbany will urge the United States Postal Service Inspector to prosecute for abuse of the postal service. Smalbany will also demand that the United States Attorneys for the District of New York and the District of Pennsylvania investigate and prosecute the perps for violations of interstate trade and postal regulations.

Smalbany has already obtained the USPS tracking information and has verified the sender. That information is being used in our continuing investigation.

The idiots don’t realize that this package seals their fates.

And to be complete, Smalbany will assist the recipients of any packages in filing formal complaints of misdemeanor harassment against the persons ordering the packages. The misdemeanor complaints will be filed with state and local law enforcement, and, because of the nature of the interstate commerce offences, with the Federal Bureau of Investigation, given the fact that the shipper can be identified.

Since the shipper can be identified, and given the criminal nature of the offences, and given the shipper’s own claims for their product, which clearly support the harassment intent of the product, the shipper will be required under subpoena power or by court order to produce their order records and other business records, which will be used to identify the person ordering the product and providing the shipping information. Once that is done, well, somebody’s going to jail. Smalbany has already notified the owners of the business name A.S. Enterprises that their business name is being fraudulently misused.

State attorneys general in New York and Pennsylvania will be notified directly of the company’s activities and urged to investigate and prosecute.

We’d like to thank the Coeymans residents who brought this example of sick-community to our attention. We’d also like to thank the Coeymans resident, who has made this VERY BIG mistake for confirming all of our statements regarding Coeymans as a sick-community. Once again, you have played right into our hands. Congrats, stupids!

Sicko-s come in threes!