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Category Archives: Conflict Management

What Your Kids Were Doing in School at RCS Today…

Warning: If you are a student or a minor, please leave this blog now.

If You Are Wondering What Your Kids Are Doing When They’re At School–And You Really Should Wonder–, Here are some Examples.

Misfits Just Don’t Fit Neatly Anywhere.

 After Reading This You May Want to Think Again Why RCS is A Failing School and Whether Your Teachers and Their Supervisors Are Worth the Money!

You may also want to question whether your kids are  using those electronic gadgets you provide them with to best use, and whether your paying for telecommunications and computers so that they can write stuff like this:

This young man, whose real name is Timothy, started off with a pseudonym, “jack’s inflamed sense of rejection” and you might know him just by that assumed name if he’s your kid. “Jack-O” writes from e-mail kph@nycap.rr.com at 9:43 a.m.:

This is a vapid, short sighted, deceitful and overwhelmingly ignorant blog. Instead of real facts it is filled with morons who are appparently as anti-progress as they are anti-intelectual. I feel like the short sighted coward who runs this blog lacks any courage to present his “arguments” (I say this loosely because very little of what is posted here has enough truth behind it to even constitute as a real argument) in public to those he has singled out for dissent. Do the “smalbany” community and leave it. Remember that passing a 0% budget, rather than the well thought out 6.8%, would not only severely damage the school and town’s infrastructure but it will damage the lives of the children who attend it. Please keep this in mind next time you post you disgusting pedo-sadist.
“Sincerely, The Concerned Students Of RCS High School.”

Jack-O’s thought processing is a bit strange as is his language, but that’s what your paying for…this guy’s allegedly an RCS senior ready for the world!

Jack-O writes again from kph@nycap.rr.com at 11:10 a.m:

“Well seeing as you responded to not a single issue that I have placed before you and rather dodged the topic I see fit to dodge yours. You call me immature yet you reference my perceived ignorance with sphincter anatomy, how laughably asinine and poorly thought out. Now I know that on top of a blinding sense of self superiority you are also a childish megalomaniac who seems to succeed only in dodging real challenges when placed before you. Now to adress our anonyminity; and your own seeing as you are equally hyopcritical and cowardly. We are a group of students, mostly highschool seniors (amazing how someone pressumably half your age seems to work with twice the level of intelligence and decorum?) If you wish for names we are more than willing to oblige, knowing that you will remain hidden while shackled by your fear. As students and educated citizens (quite unlike yourself) we see it only fit that you either write a “fair, truthful and complete” blog as stated above, or remove your ill-conceived filth that you parade as “fact” from the internet. In the mean time please resume with your unbacked lunacy and borderline slander of otherwise upstanding rcs faculty.
Sincerely, Timothy, Cassie, Karin, Tyler, Sierra, Brandon and numerous other students”
“PS: I’m hoping your next argument might actually provide. Debatable counter points rather than the shallow and quite lack luster presentation you provided us in your previous attempt at a rebutal”

Well, our little backwoods Conan the Barbarian certainly can get riled, can’t he? Wonder how much class time he’s getting in today?

“Jack-O” the inflamed and rejected one writes AGAIN from kph@nycap.rr.com  at  11:50 a.m. (busy little beaver tail isn’t he?):

“Well after some recent enlightenment and research it is now apparent who we are truly dealing with. Failed justice and confirmed fraud [Redacted. The puerile little clown thinks he knows whom he’s addressing.]. Dishonored by the military and rejected in many aspects of life, it seems one might grow bitter over time. Lying about educational qualifications when applying for an appointed position seems about as intelligent as any argument you’ve presented today. At first there was anger at your short sighted attacks, now I find only pity for you. I wish you well in your future endeavors because good fotune is something you’re clearly lacking, [redacted].
“PS: commenting on grammar and spelling is usually the first sign of someone losing an argument, please keep this in mind when trying to construct arugments in the future. For someone who claimed to have such solid educational credentials you seem to be lacking in the most basic, maybe lying about your degrees wasn’t the smartest road you could’ve taken in life.
With pity, RCS High School”

After a diatribe like that you really have to wonder what his application essays look like…failing schools and substandard teachers…”rejected and inflamed” kids lashing out. Yup! Yer paying for the whole Magilla mom and dad. Ain’t you proud?

And again “inflamed and rejected” Tim a.k.a. Jack-O writes from his kph@nycap.rr.com at 11:52 a.m.:

“” Also guessing you missed the Fight Club reference. Maybe you and your adopted brother can rent it this weekend”

And again, our little inflamed reject Tim writes from kph@nycap.rr.com  at 3:08 p.m.:

“You refuse to publish anything I might post, [redacted]. How does it feel to be confronted with your lifes failures, turn blindly away and then miscontrude what you heard only to fit your ill percieved goals? A complete failure as a linguist, stripped of military awards and rejected as an appointed official due to aggregious fraud, this is what highlights your life. You hold a very self righteous demeanor (fitting for such a pompous theologian as yourself) but it all crumbles when somebody finds who you truly are, or worse; when someone begins to beat you. Also, I wish that you refrain from presenting me and my classmates as adults under our pseudonyms. Is the thought of losing intellectually to a high school senior too much for your poor battered ego to take? I’d like to think so. Expect more in the future, [redacted].

Our little “inflamed” and “rejected” Jack-O is a real candidate for counseling. There’s a lot of anger and frustration there. What happened to your little boy? Too much exposure to RCS high school environments. Is this person really going to be turned loose on the real world in June?

Then, for a little change, karin.rachael@yahoo.com chimes in at 12:28:

As I am reading the argument in the previous comment, I’m wondering why tearing down an innocent high school senior is “proving your point” at all. Yes, we are in high school and I will send you my transcript if you don’t believe me. You call him “incoherent” and “prepubescent” yet he is bringing up more of a valid argument than any other post on this page. His comment that started this mess had valid points as to the budget itself, our school, and truth backs every one of his arguments. Yet who ever is calling him out on his “anonymity” (which, ironically, we don’t know who that is yet) his/ her only point is to bash someone for pointing out the truth.
To put in my own two cents here, Why is this blog even up? I have seen nothing on here of truth until Tim [Aha! So Jack-O is actually Tim! thank you Karen Rachael!] started commenting, and everything else has been stretched out or straight up lies. For wanting to keep “an open forum for discussion” you don’t exactly want to hear the other side of the argument.
And yes, we are a product of our teachers, but the last thing I will do is take that as an insult. We have had a wonderful education which is proved by the high end vocabulary used that you so clearly need a dictionary for, seeing as you are misinterpreting EVERY word we say. [Well, isn’t this little minx feisty! “High-end vocabulary” without grammar…well, OK.]
“The reason our school district is turning to gumbo is because of ignorant websites like this one. You take the time and energy out of your day to post trash about whatever you can get your hands on, yet someone challenges you with the honest truth and the only thing you can do is insult them. How about we keep an open mind an actually read what he was saying in the first comment that you so rudely chose to ignore:
“Remember that passing a 0% budget, rather than the well thought out 6.8%, would not only severely damage the school and town’s infrastructure but it will damage the lives of the children who attend it.” Bringing up an honest, researched point is no excuse to insult someone.
“I am embarrassed to be living in this district after reading this and I hope some of what we are saying gets through to you. Just because we’re in high school doesn’t mean you can overlook us. We’re the future of this town. Thanks”

Well, young lady, it’s pretty hard to overlook you when you spend all day long bombarding us with comments using such “high end vocabulary”…and K. I believe high-end is hyphenated…but I’ll have to use a dictionary to be sure; you do the same, why don’t you?

And now Seamooney987@gmail.com vents at 12:34 p.m. [We haven’t edited anything for grammar or structure]:

“You are a decietful person who is not with whatthe people want.you are going to be the dick who makes the rcs school an awful boring school for the next to come so, you can have just some extra cash in your pockets.well I hope you happy. Wait, I have an idea, grow a pair and vote yes for the younger generation s”

Now that was eloquent and a real example of what RCS is pumping out…

Seamooney987@gmail.com at 1:11 p.m.

“Now you just follow some guy behind a screen and do something good for the community. Why not fight for the rest of the kids in the RCS schools.thats what you should do not rejected the people fighting for the schooland its kids.so vote yes from the while rcs student body. Ps. This website is for the nonbeilevers!!!!”

karin.rachael@yahoo.com at 1;33 p.m.

“I’m going to respond as calmly as possible because frankly your ignorance is driving me insane. I am not a minor, I am an 18 year old senior at RCS high school, believe me or not. While I was typing this, I was lunch, where I’m allowed to use my cellphone, and the other students commenting were right there with me so, yes, I AM convinced that it is a “high school senior”, thank you. My teachers were there as well, laughing at your idiocy.
“And who is the “WE” when you write that we are “misrepresenting every work WE say?” That would be an interesting question to have answered” and you will have it answered! Tim, Cassie, Brandon, Sierra and I, as Tim mentioned in his other comment, you probably didnt even read.
But again, you are straying away from the points I made, just to insult me. Believe me, sir, we (the students of RCS, incase that is in question again) are the ones shuddering. Because people like you, ignorant and disrespectful, are the ones making the decisions for our school. I’d prefer it if the students voted, we have half a mind as to what goes on around us, unlike yourself. But don’t worry, we’re too “irresponsible and incompetent”
Have a great day.”

K. is apparently losing it, letting histrionics take control of her. So, her teachers were there with her “laughing” I really would like to know what else they were doing…the mind boggles, doesn’t it.

Finally, the editor Fides Qua Creditur replies to the “Concerned Students” at 1:39 p.m.:

“Any further communications from you or your mentors that are of similar tenor or content will be sent immediately to trash. You are some of the worst examples of bad-mannered, poorly tutored, disrespectful, children presuming to be adults that I have ever had the amusement to have encountered. You have made no points, no credible suggestions, and make the impression only that you are being goaded by some toad into writing these comments.
 “Again, please refrain from your puerile diatribes until such time that you can dispense with the ill-informed tabloidism and the infantile bleating; otherwise we shall have no other alternative than to trash your comments without further consideration.
“Thank you in advance for your understanding.”

Enough is enough already. These unsupervised children have spent an entire morning pumping out diatribes, being disrespectful, insulting and even admitting that their teachers were there with them allowing themselves to be amused by their little pets. Scandalous, indeed!

A 2:09 p.m. karin.rachael@yahoo.com checks in with yet another installment of drivel:

“Sir, that was my exact point right there. The fact that you wont even LISTEN to us, our side of the story, shows how single minded you are. [Editor’s Note: They never presented their “side of the story” in any of their comments. All they did was FLAME!] Throw this comment to trash, go ahead. Because I will make a print out, I know it was sent. [So big deal!] But I know that I’m not bad mannered or poorly tutored, and as for disrespectful, who is the man bashing a teenager, and who is the one making valid points? [What the devil is a teenager doing writing crap like you children have been writing?!? Who’s doing the bashing?] You should have to trash your own comments because I have never said one bad thing on this page, yet somehow saying “you seem to have your head stuck up beyond at least two anal sphincters” is alright to say here. Pathetic, thats what you are. I’m guessing you run this page as well. Nicely done, youre showing the entire community how vastly incoherent you are. Please, feel free to respond to this with more ignorant comments. I’m through here for the sole reason that I fear that your idiocy is contageous. Have a fantastic life.

And then our little furry friend, Tim, pipes in from kph@nycap.rr.com at 2:58 p.m.:

“Thank you for your well though out (sarcasm) and very truthful (extended sarcasm) post. It appears you didn’t answer my 3rd post due to the nature of it calling you out as a failure and fraud. I hope the FBI enjoys your raving lunacy and overwhelming incompetance as much as I and many fellow students do!

Why thank you very much for your acknowledgment, Timmy. Likewise, I’m sure. So that’s the sum total of your upbringing and education, is it?

But Tim is back again [!] from kph@nycap.rr.com at 3:08  [Did he get lonely?] this time with a new pseudonym, “[redacted] encompassing sense of failure” formerly “jack’s inflamed sense of rejection”at 3:24 p.m.:

“Oh and one last addendum: for one who does nothing but debase others over the internet, why must you be so sore when the same happens to you, [redacted]? Also, I look forward to whatever frivilous legal action you might seek to impose (knowing how well that went over with your neighbors I’d say it might not be the best course of action for you to take!)”

This kid’s a real loose cannon! He really gets off on himself, doesn’t he? He’s been at it most of the day!

Then Seamooney987@gmail.com takes his cue at 5:04 p.m.:

“Well you and your blog followers are some of the most one sided absent minded peopleI have herd.the school is one of the poorestscolds put there but with the budget voting yes we can pull through this.but with the rude inconsiderate people in this town.if you think that you are an assault that is responsible(which your not) then vote yes.don’t do it for your 14 followers but for the student body. Have the best days in your life.”

Poor seamooney’s RCS education is really showing in that message. If you are his parents, you really should get him some therapy. I’m really sorry but I couldn’t make out what he was trying to say. If you can, I’d be interested in knowing.

It got really worse when Tim (Remember “inflamed rejected” Tim?) sent a threat note at around 9:30 p.m. “Please keep this in mind as you continue posting, nice house by the way. Maybe I’ll stop in for a face to face conversation? (Shouldn’t be hard seeing as you spend the majority of your time there) I’d hope you’d be up for a little debate seeing as you’re so articulate when voicing opinions over the internet.”  Would it be reasonable to say that this kid has some major problems? The note was reported and copied to the school authorities and to law enforcement.

So there you have it. What your RCS seniors are doing all day long today while their teachers are with them “laughing” at the idiocy. Really makes you proud, doesn’t it.

It was at about midday that we decided to put op a notice to the effect that the blog is only for persons over 17 years of age. But even that didn’t help–not that these teenagers would respect the notice. They apparently have not received the education or the upbringing that includes respect.

We would be remiss if we didn’t mention one articulate and very impressive student comment–although it bore the signs of orchestration by others–that came from a writer identifying himself as “Kieth” and as an “18 year old individual with the legal rights and responsibilities that go with it.” His comment disagreed with our position but was civil and asked for more information. His comment was so impressive we responded privately and at length. Bravo, Kieth! (Now the poor kid will probably get death threats from students and teachers alike!)

Really, if you’re the parent of any of these kids, you ought to be ashamed and very, very concerned! And if you’re the parent of one of these kids, you’d better get your butt down to that school and find out who those teachers were, and why your [b]rats have so much time on their hands!

These incidents are so embarassing and criminal that we are not asking you to forward the link to friends, relatives, or elected officials. It’s dirty laundry that needs to be handled inhouse…and by law enforcement.

Special Notice: We make every effort to be truthful, complete, fair, and balanced on this blog; therefore, if you see anything that you know to be false or incorrect, or if you have additional information to clarify any issue, please let us know by e-mailing your information or by leaving a comment. It’s very important to us that we don’t fall into the same category as those whom this blog is intended to expose. Thank you very much in advance for your cooperation and assistance!
 

Constructiveness, Collaboration, Cooperation, Consensus?

Constructiveness, Collaboration, Cooperation, Consensus?
No Way José! We’ll Just Throw Mud and Make Demands! My Way or the Highway!

After reports of teachers insulting and degrading the RCS CSD Board of Education members in the halls of the highschool (as reported by a parent whose high schooler brought the story home about a conversation between Mr Miller and Mr Vish), it seems the teachers have less sense than those in their charge!

Three things were evident even before the teachers’ scandalous and scurilous exhibitionism at the April 17, 2012, RCS board of education meeting: The teachers, as represented by their teachers association president, Matt Miller, are motivated by self-interest and greed; the parents are motivated by blind demands for more for less, or at least keeping what they have in the schools; the board is motivated by community spirit to do what is in reality possible.

When I Think of the Teachers on the Board I Think...

The attitude of the teachers on the board and the teachers’ spouses on the board is tantamount to ethical conflict of interest at its worst; their apparent primary mandate is keeping in lockstep with their cronies the teachers, and to see to it that they get everything that they want and to avoid giving them what they deserve. That was conspicuously evident when you hear Ms A. Whalen and Mr Engel, Ms O’Conner, and Ms Traver, all with their own “teacher association connections,” and their corner speak. No reasoning, just nostalgic reminiscing; naked commiseration for the teachers’ agenda. On the example of Whalen, if that was the independent reality thinking she was teaching when she was at the school, it’s no mystery that we’re hearing and seeing what we are today.

why does Pinnochio come to mind every time I think of Matt Miller?

I had to snigger when teachers association president Matt Miller, bedizened in full idiot-attire, bill cap and sunglasses (Now that’s a fine example the “teachers” are setting, isn’t it?). Is he trying to be cute or cool? It appears more certain that he’s fixated in a sort of midlife-adolescence. But if he’s trying to be cool and convincing, he’s going to have to try helluva a lot harder, or maybe put some of the effort into teaching (and wardrobe)…isn’t that what he’s been hired to do (not represent the partisan interests of the teachers or solve the energy costs problems of the RCS CSD and get paid all along the way)? How do you feel paying with your tax dollars for a character like Miller to advocate for a special interest group who, if he’s successful, will end up costing you even more in tax money! How can you put up with this crapola!
What you couldn’t help noting is that the entire meeting was dominated by speakers–the majority of whom were teachers or teachers’ spouses–arguing their sacrifices, their dedication, their willingness to “give something” (in this case, in order to offset the budget strain, a nominal pay freeze for a limited period), their sadness, their inability to find words, etc., etc.

Rather than show some modicum of good taste, among those making public statements were: Let’s start with our goofy friend in the bill-cap-adorned-with-shades, teachers association prez Matt Miller, “It’s my contract, I should know, I wrote it.” (If he writes contracts like he speaks and dresses, well…), and his sidekick (representing his teacher wife, no doubt), Bill McFerret, er… McFerran, the “treasurer” of the notorious and unsafe Ravena-Coeymans-Selkirk Sports Association.

Say something we DON'T know!

In my research I came across an article in the Daily Mail, in which at least one parent expressed dismay at the continued conflict. Here’s a quote:

“After sitting through two meetings I feel like everyone has an ax to grind,” said Mary Partridge Brown. “There’s a lot of history and a lot of good the board is trying to do as well as the sports association. I understand everyone has a dog in this fight.”
“But the divisiveness I’ve witnessed does nothing to help my kids or any others.”

Brown went on to say the Board of Education “should stop investigating each other, stop the infighting and get back to the job of improving the school district and addressing the educational needs of the students.”

What the reporter or Partridge-Brown doesn’t seem to get is that the non-teachers on the Board, the resident/businesspersons, are not the troublemakers, it’s the teachers and their cronies (especially those supported by Miller and the teachers associationwho lost to the present incumbents: Jerry Deluca and Cathy Deluca, Bill McFerran, Amy and Dave Bartlett*! (Please see Miller’s Facebook comments, below.) It’s an orchestrated vendetta!)  (See our previous posts on this topic.

On the subject of reasonable and constructive coöperation, collaboration, consensus building–something totally absent in the people-teacher interface–we need to look at the oft mentioned but so frequently forgotten notion of respect and dissent. Dissent is a pillar of the notion of free speech but when it’s engaged indiscriminately and in the wrong forum, it’s destructive. For example, teacher and teachers’ association president Matt Miller, responds to the election outcome, the outcome of a fair and democratic process, on the RCS CSD Facebook page:

Before the election results: Matt Miller: “Please be sure to get out and vote for the future of RCS on Tuesday. Due to the law and BOE intent, the budget is going to be the same whether you vote yes or no, so please vote yes to alleviate the impact on future budgeting. More important is the BOE member vote. For those interested, the RCS Teachers Association is supporting McFerran, Sylvester and DeLuca. They are # 4,5 and 6 on the ballot. We believe they provide the best opportunity for a focus on education.”

After the election the election results: “Budget defeated; buses defeated; Robbins, Lukens, Kryzykowski elected:: My [Matt Miller’s] opinion that this is a sad day for education at RCS.”

Yeah, Matt. Special interests lost, immorality booted out, and democracy and the voters speak. A really “sad day” for education at RCS. Note that all of the candidates supported by the RCS CSD teachers association LOST! Doesn’t that say something for the public’s confidence in Miller and his special interest group?

Yup! Put your $$$ where your mouth is!

On the subject of bullying, which we saw conspicuously in the teachers association and the teachers time and again, Mr L. Polyak made some very poignant statements on the subject of bullying and taxation: Bullying: Taxpayer property owners are bullied into paying taxes by people who are not property owners, but receive the benefits without the obligations. Mr Polyak suggests rerouting school buses for efficiency. Why can’t the cement plant–who is receiving tax breaks–put in sidewalks to allow children to walk to school. Why not open the RCS pool to the YMCA for administration; this could save a great deal of money. State wants to merge school districts to county organizations. So far, that’s the only constructiveness I have heard from the public statements, apart from pleas from residents and businesspersons to show some respect for the board and to be grateful.

Mr Polyak made another fine point: If the budget doesn’t make the budget within 2% the district will be fined! It was in the past to the tune of $500,000! So the reality is: It appears the RCS CSD cannot afford the current budget increases; the alternative is to cut and slim down. This could, as E. Smith mentioned, result in loss of programs and school closures, letting teachers go (they now scream at having 15-20 children in the classes! In my day there were 30+ and we still did extremely well! We were willing to learn and the teachers were willing to teach and sacrifice for the privilege!).

VOTE “NO” ON THE BUDGET: IF NECESSARY, FORCE AUSTERITY, CUTS, AND ECONOMIES! PARENTS AND COMMUNITY SHOULD BE ENGAGED TO PARTICIPATE MORE, DEMAND LESS!

SCHOOLS ARE NOT HIGH-END DAYCARE AND RECREATION FACILITIES, NEITHER FOR THE STUDENTS AND EVEN LESS SO SHOULD THEY BE FOR THE TEACHERS [THOUGH MANY TEACHERS SHOULD BE PUT IN DAYCARE!]

 PUT AN END TO THE MONEY PITS AND TO YOUR STATUS AS BULLIED CASH-COWS!

If you found this post interesting, why not leave a comment. Send a link to the blog to a friend!

Special Notice: We make every effort to be truthful, complete, fair, and balanced on this blog; therefore, if you see anything that you know to be false or incorrect, or if you have additional information to clarify any issue, please let us know by e-mailing your information or by leaving a comment. It’s very important to us that we don’t fall into the same category as those whom this blog is intended to expose. Thank you very much in advance for your cooperation and assistance!

* Bartlett did not run for a BoE seat.

 

Clinically Speaking…

When I originally started this blog, I intended to cover a much wider area and range of topics. It seems, though, that in Ravena-Coeymans, I can find all the material I need. I don’t really know if that is a compliment or not. 

Ever try working together?

I may have written that I have no interest in what is playing out in the RCS Board of Education meetings and that might have been a bit of a fib. Once I established that there was a problem, and a problem there is, I began reviewing the videos that are published on the Internet, and I have found them to be a rich source of clinical material, indeed.

A couple of weeks ago I presented a presentation on crisis intervention and conflict management to a group of graduate students at a local college, and one of the topics in my lecture was the emotional element involved in conflict, specifically the unconscious emotional contagion that can occur. As I watch, study, and analyze the speakers in the videos, I sure wish I had known of them when I was preparing my lecture. They are must-see’s for a clinical course in crisis intervention and conflict management.

You see, the speakers are in crisis and there is a major conflict that needs managing or it’s going to tear you all apart. But do you realize it? I wonder.

Problem is, most people in conflict enter into a phase called “simplification” where the issues are either too unwieldy or there are too many issues, so you simplify things down to what you can handle. It’s natural but not very helpful. Simplification is followed by polarization, where, in order to more easily pigeon-hole things, you turn the issues into black and white, good and bad, right and wrong. That requires minimal mind work and you don’t have to get involved with details. That, too, is natural but not very helpful.

What I also see in those videos is a bunch of people who are emotionally flooded and have lost control of themselves, the issues, and the conflict; they’re spinning their wheels down to the axles.

Crybaby

I observed one woman who speaks at almost every meeting, always choked up, always befuddled, always with a neurotic squeal and breathlessness to her voice; we’ll call her Ms H. At the March 27 meeting she opens her remarks with, “I’ll try not to cry this time.” Well, you try hard, honey.  Thank you! Ms H. No emotional histrionics? Would the spectators find that boring? I think Ms H. welcomes the attention, needs it in some sociopathic way.  Ms H., the choked up and weeping performance means only that you are unsure of your intellectual presentation so you need to move people with something more primitive. What you got? Emotion. No-brainer! But not very helpful.

Scared and Lonely

What about the guy, we’ll call him Mr J., again at the March 27 meeting. His bag was:  ‘Look at me! I’m a patriot!’ “I’m going to Afghanistan.” (We understand he’s Nat’l Guard and clerical, not combat.) Again, he’s not appealing to issues, he’s parading himself, probalby hoping it will give him credibility, authenticity. Maybe. But he would have been more convincing if self-control were part of the preformance. This became even more obvious when he spent a good deal of his 3 minute slot to chiding someone on the board for…NOT MAKING EYE CONTACT! Do you think you’re that pretty or interesting Mr J? One wonders if Mr J. were in love or something. But that revealed a lot about Mr J’s need for attention and recognition. I don’t believe that Mr J’s self-esteem issues were before the board that evening.

 The main performers of the evening–they appear to be regular features in many of the videos–were Ms Amy Bartlett and Mr Gerald “Jerry” Deluca, who were joined with  the cameo  guest performance by Ms Cathy Deluca. (Hear the fanfare? NOT!)

There’s definitely a good deal of narcissism going on in these perps, to be sure.

This is how you come across. Really!

 These performances are regularly characterized by toxic aggression in the form of unbridled criticism, insult, accusation, and brimming with Guess what? Emotional flooding!
As I have said, the videos are classic material for a clinical colloquium on conflict, but regardless of whether the performances are clinically interesting, they are being played out in a public forum and that is dangerous, indeed. For all the notoriety the performers are deriving from their public self-pleasuring, they are infecting others with their irrationality. I mentioned emotional contagion and that’s what’s happening: these irresponsible braggards are infecting others with their negative contagion. This happens, really, and it’s happening almost every time Ms. H., Ms Bartlett and Mr Deluca take the floor–and you don’t even know it’s happening because it’s happening in your unconscious minds.

Not very pretty, but it's you!

There’s also a phenomenon known as triangling. This happens when two parties are in conflict and one of the parties involves a third party. A two-party system, like Deluca and a boardmember, is unstable because it tolerates little tension before involving a third person. But a three-party system, a triangle can contain much more tension without involving yet another party because the tension can shift around three relationships. If the tension is too high for one triangle to contain, it spreads to a series of “interlocking” triangles. Spreading the tension can stabilize a system, but nothing gets resolved. That’s what I see happening.

People’s actions in a triangle reflect their efforts to ensure their emotional attachments to important others, their reactions take on too much intensity in those attachments, and the result is their taking sides in the conflicts of others. This complicates the conflict enormously. That’s exactly what’s happening in your meetings but none of you seem to care. That’s why I’m departing somewhat from my satirizing or parodying you to trying to help you with a different approach.

Actually, if I genuinely thought you wanted to resolve your conflicts or reframe your issues, I’d offer to sit down with you and mediate or intervene, but from what I can see, a couple of you are really thriving on destructiveness and would probably reject any attempt to transform your destructiveness to constructive or functional conflict. That’s really too bad, because in most systems functional or constructive conflict has a great number of positive outcomes, and serves very effectively in problem solving.

Patience is the Companion of Wisdom

But on a positive note: I am amazed at the boardmember’s patience and fortitude in the face of your aggressions, and I have to commend them all for their patience, dignity, and courtesy to you when you probably should be banned from speaking. It takes a lot of self-control to be able to say Thank you! after being unceremoneously abused by the very people you are giving up time and resources to help.

As I frequently tell clients, “It takes two to make a marriage but only one to destroy it.” It’s obvious to me that some of you are trying your damnedest to break up the party.

I’ll continue monitoring your cases and reporting back. In the meantime, thanks for the material.

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