Well, Greene County seems to have more than its share of Greene Weasels. Captain Weasel Whacker is on the trail of Art Evans, a part-time employee of the Cairo Highway Department and pet weasel of current Cairo Highway Superintendent Robert “Bob” Hempstead, who, with his weasel-boss, Cairo Superintendent D. Benoit, husband of the controversial and weasel-dealing Diana Benoit, running for Greene County Sheriff. The four of them, Evans, Hempstead, and the two Benoits, Daniel and Diana, should be under criminal investigation for abuse of public office and mismanagement of public funds. But then, Greene County DA Joe Stanzione is asleep on watch when it comes to his crooked Republican friends and political cronies. He’s busy weasel-dealing for himself.
Word is that Art Evans, a weasel candidate, has a GI tract problem known as “chronic hand-up-his-butt syndrome,” and x-rays have shown that it’s Bob Hempstead’s hand up there!
But truth be told, at least Cairo comes up with candidates — they may be Greene Weasels but at least Cairo voters can choose either a weasel or a non-weasel — the Town of New Baltimore voters don’t have that choice. New Baltimore Democrats can’t come up with candidates to run against the weasels-in-office in New Baltimore. New Baltimore Town Supervisor Jeff Ruso is running again unopposed, as is New Baltimore Highway Superintendent Alan van Wormer. No contest either for Peter Malewski, candidate for Town Justice. New Baltimore voters are being deprived of their rights and their voice!
We’re republishing the entire post with permission from Captain Weasel Whacker. You can read the original post at Art Evans: Get Well Soon!
You may have heard about Art Evans’ bottom problem, and how he’s been looking for qualified opinions as to what the diagnosis of his butt pain might be.
Well, we’ve acquired some evidence that the problem is, as we’ve always suspected, and judging from the Town of Cairo’s Highway Department page, Art’s suffering from what is known as the “chronic hand-up-the-butt syndrome,” an almost incurable condition but sometimes treatable with radical surgery. Our radiology consultant has identified the hand in the x-ray to belongs to Bob Hempstead, incumbent Town of Cairo Highway Superintendent, and supporter of his part-time pet, Art Evans.
Evans, despite his affliction, is running for Town of Cairo Highway Superintendent, and despite having no real highway experience and being only a part-time employee of the Cairo Highway Department. One of the main symptoms of the chronic hand-up-the-butt syndrome is having (and being) a pain in the ass, and having to ask your keeper, in this case Bob Hempstead, to make decisions for you. Well, Bob has recommended that Art not undergo the surgery that could possibly save his ass; Bob’s hand is to remain there forever, we guess.
Well, Captain Weasel-Wacker would like to take this opportunity to wish Art Evans a miraculous recovery — and it will be a real miracle if he can get Bob’s hand out of there — and to start being more focused on truth and integrity, even if he does have an irritating tickling sensation around his bottom…that’s his evil twin, Bob Hempstead.
BTW: What’s the deal on the allegation that the Greene County Republican Committee’s funds have been frozen due to alleged misuse, and a result, Cairo Republican candidates have to fund their own campaigns. Word is Hempstead is backing some. Leave a comment or a confidential tip at firstname.lastname@example.org on the Smalbany Tip Line.
By the way, where is Greene County District Attorney Joe Stanzione (R) while all of the weasel deals and mismanagement of public interests is going on? Probably kissing “R” butt and keeping out of sight, something he does REALLY well! We’ll get his x-rays, too.