Coeymans: Can It Get Any Worse Than This?

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It Seems the Town of Coeymans Just Can’t Live Without Making A Complete Ass of Itself!
And the Coeymans Town Board Knows Just How to Announce to the World:
We’re A Bunch of Retards!

Coeymans puts the “C” in Cheap as in Sell Out Cheap!
Coeymans Town Board Sells Out for A Sandwich. Now that’s Cheap!

It’s really unbelievable that the Coeymans town board would be such whores and prostitute themselves to an Arby’s marketing scheme!

Are You thinking ARBY’S?
That Arby’s Logo is a Little “Suggestive,” Isn’t It? Wondering about the message Arby’s is sending?
And what they’re really thinking about?

We’ve already established that Coeymans has no dignity but the renaming for a month after a sandwich is clear proof of how seriously the town board of Coeymans takes their mandates and their attitude towards governing the town of Coeymans…excuse me, Reubenville. To think that the town board of Coeymans would degrade their office, the town of Coeymans, and clownify the people of this community is clearly a message shouting: We don’t belong in adult clothes! We don’t belong in office! We belong in clown clothes!

So’s Your Coeymans Town Board
Did you notice the similarity with the Arby’s logo?

This sort of idiocy, childlike, retarded behavior by so-called elected public servants is a disgrace (and YES! I did use the “retarded” word because there’s no more accurate way of describing their cognitive backwardness!). They’re not even civil service tested, they can’t even say they were appointed by some moronic dumbass. No! Coeymans has to admit that the residents of the town of Coeymans actually elected those clowns. The residents of the town of Coeymans actually made a choice, exercising their right to vote for whom they thought were the best qualified clowns for the job of running the town of Coeymans! Coeymans! Is that the best you could do?

You’d think the elected dumbasses on the Coeymans town board would have at least sold themselves for something healthy,  instead of ignoring the fact that the local epidemic of obese broadasses is a public health disaster, and sending the message that we need more doublewides on the Ravena-Coeymans streets! But no, the chubby-chasers on the Coeymans town board want to put some flab on those hips and so they went for one of the least healthy fast-food gimmicks around: the fat- and sodium-laden reuben! Here’s the nutrition information (if you want to call it “nutrition”):

• Calories: 640! (that’s w/o fries or onion rings!)
• Sodium: 1.6 grams (68% of normal daily intake!)
• Fat: 30 grams

Arby’s Reuben Sandwich
(For those of you who do better with pictures.)
(Source: HealthGuru)

And you still wonder why thunderthighs and cellulite city is lying next to you? Or why your kids look like basketballs on sticks? Or why you’re all diabetics and have high blood pressure by the time you’re 10 years old? Thank the braniacs who cook up stuff like Arby’s reuben sandwiches and thank your trusted elected officials for doing their part in putting you and your kids on early dialysis!

Eat this and YOUR time will be limited!

In fact, the Ravena-Coeymans-Selkirk Central School District should make a formal public protest for the despicably poor example the town board of Coeymans is giving and should denounce them for contradicting any healthy foods education the taxpayers of this district are paying to have taught in the schools!

If any of that bunch of pre-adolescent kleptomaniacs in the Coeymans doublewide they call a town Hall are re-elected, the whole town should be expedited down the Hudson in a garbage barge!

Stephen Flach and Thomas Boehm sold Coeymans down the river in an Arby’s garbage barge!

It’s all over the Internet. In fact, here’s an example of some of the press the town of Coeymans is getting:

Reubenville, the Albany County town usually known as Coeymans, has been awarded 5,000 coupons for the Arby’s sandwich shop on Wolf Road in nearby Colonie.

Figuring out a way to equitably distribute them will, as Councilman Tom Boehm remarked at the February town board meeting when the temporary name change was approved, be the tough chore.

The name change was a gimmick that was part of the fast-food chain’s “Reubenville
Challenge,” which encouraged communities nationwide to adopt the name Reubenville as a way of publicizing Arby’s new Reuben sandwich. It will stay that way through the end of March.

Arby’s made the winner’s announcement Friday, noting Coeymans was the first municipality in the nation to meet the challenge.

(Source: “Welcome to Reubenville, NY, a sandwich heaven” by William M. Dowd, Examiner.com)

The most interesting question is how the town of Coeymans will decide to divvy up the 5000 sandwiches among the more than 7000 Coeymans residents. Coeymans is indeed fortunate, though, to have a pastor/preacher of sorts as its supervisor, maybe pastor/town supervisor Stephen Flach or one of his black monks, Peter Masti or Phillip Crandall, religious zealots that they are, can do something like the loaves and fishes trick. Waddaya think, Coeymans? Can they pull that one off?

The Coeymans Police Department’s Proposed New Look
Coeymans Dunkin’ Donuts DoDos Department

Sure, Coeymans was the first municipality in the nation to meet the challenge! Probably the only municipality whose elected officials are stupid enough to make asses of a whole community! Nice going, Coeymans!So, what’s next? Does the town of Coeymans rename the Coeymans Police Department Dunkin’ Donuts DoDo Cops and award DoDo Darlington and BoBo-Cop Jerry Deluca 5000 Dunkin’ Donut holes?

Enjoy Your 5000 Arby’s Reubens!
The Editor

(This may actually be the first instance of cooperation between the town of Coeymans and the village of Ravena: Create fat people for the Bruno-Deluca-Warner Ravena Fitness Center! What a plan!)