Welcome, Mr Superintendent, to the Troubled and Dysfunctional Ravena-Coeymans-Selkirk School District!
Dear Dr McCartney:
We welcome you with open arms, although you’ll find most hearts and minds (what few functioning ones there are) in this district closed to anything new or positive, which might threaten the chronic stagnation here, and we would like to take this opportunity to offer some well-intentioned advice and provide some caveats.
First of all, the way has been paved for you with broken glass and rusty nails, thanks to the vociferous group we have aptly baptized the Coeymanazis. The Coeymanazis are a loosely knit group of self-serving, nay-sayers who will brutally attack anything not part of their narrow-minded and myopic agenda and anyone who might expressly or impliedly differ from their backwoods and Neanderthal opinions. Their idol is Mammon and they celebrate the cult of mediocrity.
Main Street Ravena is the result of their mentality and may the gods help you if you’re a businessperson in the RCS district with any notion of freedom of speech. Take for example, the bipedal bovine Donna Leput-Hommel, who promised on the Pieter B. Coeymans PTO FaceBook page to “punish them with our checkbooks” if they voted against the 2012-13 school budget. (She is the infamous one who had to be asked to leave a business persons’ meeting because she was out of order, and her behavior less than adult.) As for residents and parents who dare exercise their Constitutional rights, there’s been plenty of coercion, retaliation, intimidation, and bullying to ensure silence and acquiescence. Under past superintendents, who simply hitched a ride and jumped ship when it was convenient, the rule was business as usual.